Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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