what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
