I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
