Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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