Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
