wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
