You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
