The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we have pet lesbian snakes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
