I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
