Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
