You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just blew my weed a kiss
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
