dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
