walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
