Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
