Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
