I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Panties = found
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
