i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
