I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
