okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
