Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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