Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
