Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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