Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
