dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
