Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
