the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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