So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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