Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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