So drunk its hurt
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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