he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My vagina just clenched in fear
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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