You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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