now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think my fart just growled at me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
