They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
