i wish starbucks made bloody marys
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't EVER smell your tampon
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
