Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Who died my cat blue again?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
