definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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