SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
