Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
