Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
