I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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