Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
