So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
