Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
