btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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