I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
