Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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