four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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