I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
