This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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