weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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