He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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