seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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